It's sunday night. the bathrooms are clean. the floors, swept. the kitchen floor, mopped. The kids are in bed. Our household is ready for the week. I figured that i should lay out my goals for the week and that may help clarify my path:
1.) Order nails at Fisher-Lumber
2.) Get possible options for space from 2 City of Santa Monica folks.
3.) Define space needs (over a 15 month peroiod) on one sheet of paper.
4.) Get in contact with anyone familiar with Rwandan natives in LA.
5.) Complete 2nd revised wing drawing.
6.) Write a new song.
That's enough. I feel like i made $ 7,000 on Saturday, when I got an estimate for the nails from a local Santa Monica hardware store that was $ 5,000-7,500 cheaper than 3 previous estimates. I want someone to sponsor (pay for) these nails.
Before i dive into the rest of February's goals, I wanted to thank a few people whom i've sat with recently, to turn over ideas:
--Stevo L. A former co-worker. We've worked our tails off together on past feature films. He and I have exerted energy over film sets that make me exhausted just remembering them. We both know the depths of hard, hard work. Long hours. Aching backs. And lots of laughs. Stevo looked at my wood pile and drawings and we brainstormed on how to connect the panels together and how to lay out the wood so as to best bring out the details of a bird's wing through wood.
--Bill S. A production designer/mentor who i worked for on many a motion picture when i first landed out here. A great guy all around. Over too many glasses of wine (and a few shots of tequila) he expressed how compelling the idea of one woman pounding in the nails is to him and how "there's nothing more important to do in this world than make art like this. what else is there?" He's an incredible folk artist himself. His own pieces are kinetic, tactile, raw, fascinating.
--Debbie M. A fine friend. She and I sat on her deck in the sun last week. We ate soup and stared at my wood/nail/thread sample. I'm about to give birth to this. She's about to give birth to twins. Our lives will change. As an architect and artist, she helped me plot out a few ideas over structure. She will be a good source for seeking out a structural engineer, when the time comes. The sheer scale of this is going to require some metal armature work, definitely...in order to stand firmly upright.
--Nery. I had another incredible sit down meeting with him. And, I told him that he was right, about the machetes. My museum friend, Chris, had given me a copy of his catalog from the "Orphans of the Rwandan Genocide" project from a few years back. The catalog features the words of many children speaking about putting their lives back together and moving forward in an uncertain, traumatized world. One of them said this:
"I think memorial houses should be built up, books written, churches in which people died should be used as memorials, weapons used to kill people should be put in those memorials. All this in order to help people never forget what they have been through and let our next generations know that."
I shared this with Nery. We talked about the importance of that. I suggested that, if machetes are going to be imbedded into the tips of the wings feathers, then, i want to bind them in something. red cloth. red thread. something.
--Others who expressed support and/or ask me about my progress. Thank you:
nancy, margie, vpdp parents, danah, debbie b, ericka, chris and the kids, nina, chris y ilda, grace, john s, jon s, jennifer, deniz, laurie l, martha r, ashly, marjorie m, lori, lynn, rosa, linda, dave and liz, celeste, marion and chris, julie, rebecca, sarah, ronnie and more. thanks so much. I move forward with your encouraging words.
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
2 Months and Counting...
Yes, i am 2 months away from beginning the process of nailing. We are 2 months and one year away from the 15 year mark of the Rwandan genocide. I could spend days, weeks, months talking to various individuals about the theory of this memorial. the building of it. the purpose of it. i've experienced incredible conversations with so many people regarding the why and where of making 800,000 nails come to fruition.
And now it's time for not just talk, but daily action. the getting of the nails. the space. the rest of the wood. from individual donations to grants to any corporate donation, i will need to be raising about $80,000 dollars to fulfill this vision. So far, i've raised not a dime. Here i go, walking alongside fear again for a moment. i've got many letters and applications written and mailed. we'll see what comes up.
anyway, one of the many things that drives me forward with inspiration from genuine friends is this:
Two artists who i find to have incredible talent, wisdom and heart have looked at my drawings and samples up close. We've talked about the piece in depth. and they have both said: "wow, this is going to be beautiful." Nery and Linda. And if Nery and Linda can envision this piece from my heart and my drawings, well, i know that it's worth doing...and it will be beautiful. compelling. provocative. powerful.
In one week, i need to have the nail order be fulfilled, paid for, ordered and on their way here.
And now it's time for not just talk, but daily action. the getting of the nails. the space. the rest of the wood. from individual donations to grants to any corporate donation, i will need to be raising about $80,000 dollars to fulfill this vision. So far, i've raised not a dime. Here i go, walking alongside fear again for a moment. i've got many letters and applications written and mailed. we'll see what comes up.
anyway, one of the many things that drives me forward with inspiration from genuine friends is this:
Two artists who i find to have incredible talent, wisdom and heart have looked at my drawings and samples up close. We've talked about the piece in depth. and they have both said: "wow, this is going to be beautiful." Nery and Linda. And if Nery and Linda can envision this piece from my heart and my drawings, well, i know that it's worth doing...and it will be beautiful. compelling. provocative. powerful.
In one week, i need to have the nail order be fulfilled, paid for, ordered and on their way here.
Sunday, January 27, 2008
The Wing Takes Shape
this piece of art must be approached constantly from so many angles -- regarding logistics, materials, funding, philosophy, political science, history, conditioning, space, design, support, etc. this is what i love about the process. however, the chunks of time that i carve out during the week never seem to be quite enough.
it seems that every person i know has some contribution to make in moving 800,000 nails forward. on monday, two friends well-versed in politics and fundraising reviewed my letter for nail donations. throughout the rest of the week, i found time to reshape the letter and the focus of those whom i wish to contact for the nails, which i have to get out by no later than tuesday of this coming week.
Martin Luther King day brought a beautiful development. The kids and i went down near the santa monica pier to walk around with our neighbors. the sun broke through brewing rain clouds and everyone seemed to be soaking up the afternoon break in our winter storms. even the birds. i had a long moment to lean on the pier railings and watch, very closely, the gliding wings of seagulls. how they expand open, take shape, hold and soar. i got to thinking about the wing.
that night, i studied more images of birds wings and sketched a design that i think will really work, while listening to some incredible music of politics, protest and love. it was as if the feelings in the music went into my ears, down inside me and back out through my pencil onto the birds wing sketch: reinforcing my belief that one pure expression of art can inspire another pure expression of art, of an idea. and so on.
Later in the week, I scaled it out, figured out that (30) 4 x 8 panels need to be constructed and this will be done in March. I'm going to host a "wing-raising" in the tradition of an old-fashioned barn raising. except, this will happen over 3 days, not one.
The rest of the week involved more brainstorming thoughts over fundraising, more wood collecting, conversations on structure and reading current news of rwanda. not bad, considering monday was a holiday and tues/wed, cooper was home with a fever.
i did get out to kickbox twice. this is very important conditioning now. i used to kickbox for anger, when i started two years ago. now, i box the bag for fun and power. the class forces me to spread my strength and stamina out evenly over an hour, so that i don't crash midway. i counted as best i could and figured that i hit the bag at least 1500-2000 times in an hour. i think of hitting 800 nails/hour for 10 hours a day and know that i will need to meditatively spread my strength out over each 10 hour period. i also know that...i will do it.
it seems that every person i know has some contribution to make in moving 800,000 nails forward. on monday, two friends well-versed in politics and fundraising reviewed my letter for nail donations. throughout the rest of the week, i found time to reshape the letter and the focus of those whom i wish to contact for the nails, which i have to get out by no later than tuesday of this coming week.
Martin Luther King day brought a beautiful development. The kids and i went down near the santa monica pier to walk around with our neighbors. the sun broke through brewing rain clouds and everyone seemed to be soaking up the afternoon break in our winter storms. even the birds. i had a long moment to lean on the pier railings and watch, very closely, the gliding wings of seagulls. how they expand open, take shape, hold and soar. i got to thinking about the wing.
that night, i studied more images of birds wings and sketched a design that i think will really work, while listening to some incredible music of politics, protest and love. it was as if the feelings in the music went into my ears, down inside me and back out through my pencil onto the birds wing sketch: reinforcing my belief that one pure expression of art can inspire another pure expression of art, of an idea. and so on.
Later in the week, I scaled it out, figured out that (30) 4 x 8 panels need to be constructed and this will be done in March. I'm going to host a "wing-raising" in the tradition of an old-fashioned barn raising. except, this will happen over 3 days, not one.
The rest of the week involved more brainstorming thoughts over fundraising, more wood collecting, conversations on structure and reading current news of rwanda. not bad, considering monday was a holiday and tues/wed, cooper was home with a fever.
i did get out to kickbox twice. this is very important conditioning now. i used to kickbox for anger, when i started two years ago. now, i box the bag for fun and power. the class forces me to spread my strength and stamina out evenly over an hour, so that i don't crash midway. i counted as best i could and figured that i hit the bag at least 1500-2000 times in an hour. i think of hitting 800 nails/hour for 10 hours a day and know that i will need to meditatively spread my strength out over each 10 hour period. i also know that...i will do it.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Linda and things that begin with the letter "g"
Linda Newman is a fine, good woman. she is goddess-like, gracious, gifted, gorgeous, giving, goofy and, yes, often full of genius. On Friday, Linda and I sat in our sun-drenched living room, looking at the most recent nail/wood prototype that i made earlier in the week, experimenting with different sized nails. Four kids frolicked around us in almost a surreal state of harmony, which allowed Linda and I to actually have a conversation. The sun hit the nail heads beautifully and she and i began talking about the community contribution to the wing. I had told her of one thought of people being able to paint the heads of the nails, but that didn't feel very inspired. A second idea was for me to just get the nails in the wood and then others could bring their hammers and pound the nails deeper into the wood. but that could be disastrous. men, women, children, hammers, fingers, noise. no.
And Linda, as rich of an artist as she is a deeply insightful human being, envisioned something which brought me to a new level of excitement and tears. She suggested red sewing thread. This thread could be tied to one nail and then connected to another and another and so on. An individual could spend time just tying bits of thread to single nails, leaving a length of it hanging in the breeze. Or, they could create an elaborate web of thread connecting many nails together. There would be no right or wrong way for a person to contribute to the piece. any way works. Cooper and Eleanor spent some time doing this during the weekend. Their process was silent, peaceful and intimate.
What Linda suggests, in my view, adds a vital third element to the wood and nailed wing that introduces so many needed things: color, movement, participation, fragility and impermanence. Yes, hundreds of people could spend their time tying red thread onto the nails in any way they wish and eventually, due to the elements of nature, their contribution will fade, decay and fall. And over time, new waves of people could put their thread on the nails. In binding a group of nails together, it looks as if a family is being bonded together by the thread. Or a group of students in a school. An orphanage. Or a small village. It's possible to contemplate these aspects of the loss while meditatively winding the thread around the nails with ones own hands. Of course the thread is red, representing blood. Blood that was spilled. The blood that runs through the hands of the living as they pay homage to the dead. The blood of life.
The past week felt like one of small accomplishments: a new prototype, a gathering of more wood from a kind gentleman in the West Adams district of LA, more scheduling organization, etc. And Linda's input was hugely inspiring regarding the thread.
On Saturday, we hosted a family here for dinner. Ilda and Chris came with their two children. These two provided rich insight into the cultural perspective of this art. Chris is deeply imbedded in work at the California African American Art Museum and Ilda's personal immigrant family history is so rich. It made for a genuine evening of conversation and turning over of ideas. I kept asking Chris about how the piece would be received in Rwanda next spring, and he kept shrugging his shoulders, suggesting that, it doesn't matter how it is received. "you just have to do it. And see what happens." He's going to help me be as prepared for that phase of the piece as i can be. He will be a link to Rwandans in the Los Angeles area and those whom i may be able to contact in the country itself. I just feel that he will be very helpful in that way. As it is now, he and Ilda are incredibly supportive. He left a catalog and power point presentation with me about a recent show at the museum: A photography exhibit on the orphans of Rwanda. I hope to find some uninterrupted time tomorrow to be present with this material and take it in.
Whew, what a week. I still don't have nails because i didn't ask for them. However, I just completed an artist's statement and letter tonight that i will be sending out to corporations and individuals this week to see what will unfold.
Oh, and today was the first day of my graduate studies. This semester's course: "The Roots of the Holocaust in Western Culture: Anti-Semitism from Antiquities to the Shoah." The first day's lecture was fascinating and I know this course will illuminate similarities for me between the struggles of Jews/Christians...Tutsis/Hutus. Onward...
And Linda, as rich of an artist as she is a deeply insightful human being, envisioned something which brought me to a new level of excitement and tears. She suggested red sewing thread. This thread could be tied to one nail and then connected to another and another and so on. An individual could spend time just tying bits of thread to single nails, leaving a length of it hanging in the breeze. Or, they could create an elaborate web of thread connecting many nails together. There would be no right or wrong way for a person to contribute to the piece. any way works. Cooper and Eleanor spent some time doing this during the weekend. Their process was silent, peaceful and intimate.
What Linda suggests, in my view, adds a vital third element to the wood and nailed wing that introduces so many needed things: color, movement, participation, fragility and impermanence. Yes, hundreds of people could spend their time tying red thread onto the nails in any way they wish and eventually, due to the elements of nature, their contribution will fade, decay and fall. And over time, new waves of people could put their thread on the nails. In binding a group of nails together, it looks as if a family is being bonded together by the thread. Or a group of students in a school. An orphanage. Or a small village. It's possible to contemplate these aspects of the loss while meditatively winding the thread around the nails with ones own hands. Of course the thread is red, representing blood. Blood that was spilled. The blood that runs through the hands of the living as they pay homage to the dead. The blood of life.
The past week felt like one of small accomplishments: a new prototype, a gathering of more wood from a kind gentleman in the West Adams district of LA, more scheduling organization, etc. And Linda's input was hugely inspiring regarding the thread.
On Saturday, we hosted a family here for dinner. Ilda and Chris came with their two children. These two provided rich insight into the cultural perspective of this art. Chris is deeply imbedded in work at the California African American Art Museum and Ilda's personal immigrant family history is so rich. It made for a genuine evening of conversation and turning over of ideas. I kept asking Chris about how the piece would be received in Rwanda next spring, and he kept shrugging his shoulders, suggesting that, it doesn't matter how it is received. "you just have to do it. And see what happens." He's going to help me be as prepared for that phase of the piece as i can be. He will be a link to Rwandans in the Los Angeles area and those whom i may be able to contact in the country itself. I just feel that he will be very helpful in that way. As it is now, he and Ilda are incredibly supportive. He left a catalog and power point presentation with me about a recent show at the museum: A photography exhibit on the orphans of Rwanda. I hope to find some uninterrupted time tomorrow to be present with this material and take it in.
Whew, what a week. I still don't have nails because i didn't ask for them. However, I just completed an artist's statement and letter tonight that i will be sending out to corporations and individuals this week to see what will unfold.
Oh, and today was the first day of my graduate studies. This semester's course: "The Roots of the Holocaust in Western Culture: Anti-Semitism from Antiquities to the Shoah." The first day's lecture was fascinating and I know this course will illuminate similarities for me between the struggles of Jews/Christians...Tutsis/Hutus. Onward...
Friday, January 11, 2008
The Process and a Week of small epiphanies
Bringing children into my world really brought home the importance of the everyday process of things. Before Cooper and Eleanor, very few aspects of my life were not result-oriented. It feels sad to admit this. Type this. And because of that gift of children, and all the education that's gone on while raising them, I am now in the throws of a simple project that is revealing one fantastic gift after another during the process of it's creation.
Although there were many more, I'll mention 3 examples of connection just this past week that moved this art piece forward and revealed small epiphanies of clarification for me:
1.) A walk with Ericka (good for the mind).
2.) A listening exercise with Rebecca (good for the spirit).
3.) A morning of loading wood with a stranger, Judy (good for the body).
Actually, each of these served all 3 aspects of the mind-spirit-body connection, but, I thought I'd give each one a specific nod.
First, dear friend Ericka and I talked and walked and spoke of many things. Sentences sometimes didn't quite get completed as we were so quickly on to the next thought. Chile, Rwanda, music, art, memorials of the dead, the disappeared, artists who suffer and create anyway, how to get art made and where to find a little money to help make it happen. On and on, I hardly remember where our feet stepped. But Ericka remembered a paper that a friend of hers wrote on historical memory of traumatic events and how we as individuals or as a people process this or don't, thus living in a recovering state of awareness or historical amnesia.
Well, I read the paper -- a fascinating work stuffed with detailed richness -- and it sealed the necessity of this artwork for me. The importance of 800,000 nails is so clear after reading this. Community art installations, if conceived sensitively, can help individuals feel connected to some whole. some aspect of "the whole." As I read this paper entitled "Amnesia/Countermemory" I also said to myself, "this is the type of research i want to be doing! This is the type of paper i would love to compose and write! So, graduate school will serve me well at this time.
Secondly, we hosted a parenting seminar in our home just last night for the parents of the children currently enrolled in our co-op preschool. Learning the fine skill of listening to our children was really one of the primary focuses of the night. How can we practice listening to them with complete empathy as they experience all the feelings that come up for them in these forming years? At one point, we paired off and held 3 minute listening exercises with a partner.
Rebecca, as lovely as her daughter Anya, sat across from me. For 3 minutes, she listened to me and then we switched roles for 3 more minutes. I recommend this practice highly for partners, friends, parents. I started talking about my project. About how hard it is to ask for help. How I don't wish to take advantage of anyone. Inconvenience anyone. Bother anyone. Yet, when I don't ask for help, I fall back into a vacuum of loneliness and overwhelm and eventually, falter. I worry that, if other people help, somehow, i won't thank them properly enough.
And with Rebecca's keen listening, I felt suddenly like Harry Potter in Book 5 when Luna Lovegood listens to him and helps him realize that he cannot possibly take on "The Dark Lord" alone. He needs his friends. Well, I need my friends and the help of so many if this is going to get pulled off. I cannot and will not work alone.
Actually, if i deny others the chance to formulate this art, I am denying them the opportunity to participate in an act of historical healing and spirit lifting.
Finally, I met someone wonderful today quite unexpectedly. in a moment where i had not asked for help (the lesson hadn't sunk in yet), help was given to me in more ways than one. My pals Beth and Curtis are finishing up a remodel on their house and set aside beautiful wood for me. I needed to do some physical work before settling down at the desk and so, without asking for help, I went over to load up my truck. But Curtis's mom, Judy was there with Beth. Instead of going off with Beth, she said that she'd stick around and help me load the wood into my truck. Now she's 74 and slight but, wow, what a workhorse! Not only was she an angel to do this, but as she inquired about what i was to do with the wood, i learned that she has traveled extensively around the world, especially in Africa. She's been almost everywhere there except Rwanda and Burundi.
So, as we huffed and puffed and she loaded my arms with planks, I got to talk to someone who has seen Africa with her own eyes. My goodness, how the gods and goddesses reveal themselves to me right now.
As Pilar said tonight over a much needed glass of wine with her and her husband David: "I see you as a sponge right now. It is so beautiful." And I do feel like a sponge, wanting to absorb every idea that comes up around this art.
So thank you Ericka, Helene, Rebecca, Judy, Pilar, Sharla, Margie, Jennifer, David, John S, Signe, Meghan, Chris, Karen A., Lisa, Jenn, Curtis, Beth and anyone else who asked me how this is going. This week has been a real inspiration.
In the words of Conor Oberst, "my eyes are wet with clarity."
Next week...how to find the money to pay for the nails.
Although there were many more, I'll mention 3 examples of connection just this past week that moved this art piece forward and revealed small epiphanies of clarification for me:
1.) A walk with Ericka (good for the mind).
2.) A listening exercise with Rebecca (good for the spirit).
3.) A morning of loading wood with a stranger, Judy (good for the body).
Actually, each of these served all 3 aspects of the mind-spirit-body connection, but, I thought I'd give each one a specific nod.
First, dear friend Ericka and I talked and walked and spoke of many things. Sentences sometimes didn't quite get completed as we were so quickly on to the next thought. Chile, Rwanda, music, art, memorials of the dead, the disappeared, artists who suffer and create anyway, how to get art made and where to find a little money to help make it happen. On and on, I hardly remember where our feet stepped. But Ericka remembered a paper that a friend of hers wrote on historical memory of traumatic events and how we as individuals or as a people process this or don't, thus living in a recovering state of awareness or historical amnesia.
Well, I read the paper -- a fascinating work stuffed with detailed richness -- and it sealed the necessity of this artwork for me. The importance of 800,000 nails is so clear after reading this. Community art installations, if conceived sensitively, can help individuals feel connected to some whole. some aspect of "the whole." As I read this paper entitled "Amnesia/Countermemory" I also said to myself, "this is the type of research i want to be doing! This is the type of paper i would love to compose and write! So, graduate school will serve me well at this time.
Secondly, we hosted a parenting seminar in our home just last night for the parents of the children currently enrolled in our co-op preschool. Learning the fine skill of listening to our children was really one of the primary focuses of the night. How can we practice listening to them with complete empathy as they experience all the feelings that come up for them in these forming years? At one point, we paired off and held 3 minute listening exercises with a partner.
Rebecca, as lovely as her daughter Anya, sat across from me. For 3 minutes, she listened to me and then we switched roles for 3 more minutes. I recommend this practice highly for partners, friends, parents. I started talking about my project. About how hard it is to ask for help. How I don't wish to take advantage of anyone. Inconvenience anyone. Bother anyone. Yet, when I don't ask for help, I fall back into a vacuum of loneliness and overwhelm and eventually, falter. I worry that, if other people help, somehow, i won't thank them properly enough.
And with Rebecca's keen listening, I felt suddenly like Harry Potter in Book 5 when Luna Lovegood listens to him and helps him realize that he cannot possibly take on "The Dark Lord" alone. He needs his friends. Well, I need my friends and the help of so many if this is going to get pulled off. I cannot and will not work alone.
Actually, if i deny others the chance to formulate this art, I am denying them the opportunity to participate in an act of historical healing and spirit lifting.
Finally, I met someone wonderful today quite unexpectedly. in a moment where i had not asked for help (the lesson hadn't sunk in yet), help was given to me in more ways than one. My pals Beth and Curtis are finishing up a remodel on their house and set aside beautiful wood for me. I needed to do some physical work before settling down at the desk and so, without asking for help, I went over to load up my truck. But Curtis's mom, Judy was there with Beth. Instead of going off with Beth, she said that she'd stick around and help me load the wood into my truck. Now she's 74 and slight but, wow, what a workhorse! Not only was she an angel to do this, but as she inquired about what i was to do with the wood, i learned that she has traveled extensively around the world, especially in Africa. She's been almost everywhere there except Rwanda and Burundi.
So, as we huffed and puffed and she loaded my arms with planks, I got to talk to someone who has seen Africa with her own eyes. My goodness, how the gods and goddesses reveal themselves to me right now.
As Pilar said tonight over a much needed glass of wine with her and her husband David: "I see you as a sponge right now. It is so beautiful." And I do feel like a sponge, wanting to absorb every idea that comes up around this art.
So thank you Ericka, Helene, Rebecca, Judy, Pilar, Sharla, Margie, Jennifer, David, John S, Signe, Meghan, Chris, Karen A., Lisa, Jenn, Curtis, Beth and anyone else who asked me how this is going. This week has been a real inspiration.
In the words of Conor Oberst, "my eyes are wet with clarity."
Next week...how to find the money to pay for the nails.
Monday, December 31, 2007
End of the Year...and Fear
At age 13, I wanted to have stronger arms for playing basketball. My mom had some aerobics hand weights and I decided to build a wood bench in our backyard, for weightlifting. I found some scrap wood. nails. a hammer. i started. the nails didn't make it through the thick wood. the legs were off center. crooked. when i tried to lie down on it, it wobbled pathetically. the bench was a total failure. in my frustration, i think i kicked it over and walked away.
While getting my undergraduate degree in cinema studies, i dreamed of an environmental law degree. From there, i would make environmentally-related documentaries, fusing both interests in one great effort. That never happened.
While working on feature films in a variety of art department-related roles, I wrote feature length screenplays: "The Killing Frost". "Buckshot and Joy". "West of Nature". A handful more. They sit in one plastic bin in our garage, collecting dust.
As 2007 draws to a close, I look forward to this new year and this art project. On the one hand, I am wanting to leave any fear of failure back in 2007. On the other hand, I suppose it's wise to take fear by the hand and dance with it while i move forward with this art project of 800,000 nails. We have all failed at one thing or another. That's part of being human. Of trying things out. As I get older, I see that those things once perceived as failures often were not at all.
And, I have to ask myself: what would failure look like in regards to this art piece?
I have envisioned a huge piece of art and want to take it out of my imagination, three-dimensionalize it by making it real (with my own hands and the hands of others) and share it with a community that's interested in peace...in the much needed constant exploration of the idea of tolerance...in the fight for awareness. So, I think failure for me would mean not being able to get all the wood, all the nails, the space to do this thing. Or that, as i build it, it is as weak and as lopsided and poorly constructed as that bench i tried to make alone when i was 13. Failure would be not getting this into the community to start (or continue) a discussion of ideas. Failure would be not honoring a country whose people have suffered so much.
That being said, I feel like beginning this process has been a remarkable success, in opening my eyes deeper to the political and social climate of present day Rwanda. This subject matter has bestowed to me many fascinating conversations with loved ones. I recently sat with dear friend Danah and her youngest teenage daughter. Over soup and tea and chocolate cake, we looked at the idea of art. How much art, film, literature can be created about the Holocaust of WWII? How much is too much? Is the reminder ever too much? What about other injustices in the world? why don't public schools look more deeply at those as well? Danah and Nina both had wonderful insight about such thoughts. And, just one rich conversation with friends helps me see the value in this idea of 800,000 nails.
So, I guess I'll befriend fear. And failure. Walk with them. Look at them. Converse with them. And what will be, will be.
While getting my undergraduate degree in cinema studies, i dreamed of an environmental law degree. From there, i would make environmentally-related documentaries, fusing both interests in one great effort. That never happened.
While working on feature films in a variety of art department-related roles, I wrote feature length screenplays: "The Killing Frost". "Buckshot and Joy". "West of Nature". A handful more. They sit in one plastic bin in our garage, collecting dust.
As 2007 draws to a close, I look forward to this new year and this art project. On the one hand, I am wanting to leave any fear of failure back in 2007. On the other hand, I suppose it's wise to take fear by the hand and dance with it while i move forward with this art project of 800,000 nails. We have all failed at one thing or another. That's part of being human. Of trying things out. As I get older, I see that those things once perceived as failures often were not at all.
And, I have to ask myself: what would failure look like in regards to this art piece?
I have envisioned a huge piece of art and want to take it out of my imagination, three-dimensionalize it by making it real (with my own hands and the hands of others) and share it with a community that's interested in peace...in the much needed constant exploration of the idea of tolerance...in the fight for awareness. So, I think failure for me would mean not being able to get all the wood, all the nails, the space to do this thing. Or that, as i build it, it is as weak and as lopsided and poorly constructed as that bench i tried to make alone when i was 13. Failure would be not getting this into the community to start (or continue) a discussion of ideas. Failure would be not honoring a country whose people have suffered so much.
That being said, I feel like beginning this process has been a remarkable success, in opening my eyes deeper to the political and social climate of present day Rwanda. This subject matter has bestowed to me many fascinating conversations with loved ones. I recently sat with dear friend Danah and her youngest teenage daughter. Over soup and tea and chocolate cake, we looked at the idea of art. How much art, film, literature can be created about the Holocaust of WWII? How much is too much? Is the reminder ever too much? What about other injustices in the world? why don't public schools look more deeply at those as well? Danah and Nina both had wonderful insight about such thoughts. And, just one rich conversation with friends helps me see the value in this idea of 800,000 nails.
So, I guess I'll befriend fear. And failure. Walk with them. Look at them. Converse with them. And what will be, will be.
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Symbols, Scale and Support
Yesterday, I faltered. That's scary because it was one of those days where my level of confidence seemed as deep as the first layer of ice just forming on a late autumn pond. Just the tiniest pressure on it and, crack -- shattered. But, thank goodness, today is a new day. And at Edison, I was rejuvenated with energy by loving people. Deniz, Jennifer, Claudia, Jill, Ericka, Peter, Beth, Martha, etc...thank goodness i got a dose of their presence and often, encouragement. It's like gas in a tank. Jennifer gave me a copy of Philip Gourevitch's "We Wish To Inform You That Tomorrow We Will Be Killed With Our Families: Stories from Rwanda." This has been one of the next books on my list. Would that we all had 5 hours a day to all stop, get a cup of tea and just read, uninterrupted.
Last week, Nery and I discussed symbols and scale of this piece. This came after a lengthy discussion on how our government seems to be moving brilliantly toward a troublesome trend of privatization of everything: medical care, the military, prisons and ultimately, public schools. So upsetting. This country enrages me and I love it passionately, because i can sit in a coffee shop with a friend and talk freely about how enraged i am, without the threat of being arrested or worse.
I told him that, after the calculations of my first nail test, with 150 nails on a 4" x 5' board -- the piece would be over a MILE LONG...in order to accomodate 800,000 nails/spirits.
One mile long. So, the nails will be smaller and much much much more close to one another. Today, I did a test of dots on one square foot space of plywood. with the dots averaging about 1/2" spacing, I fit over 780 dots. That could work. And, the calculation now would scale out to be an art piece of about 1,000 square feet. It could be 10'h x 100' w or 20'h x 50'w. That's a bit more manageable, especially if i design them in connecting 8' sections. This would be for assembly and shipping sake.
Regarding symbols, an earlier blog described how Nery and I talked of the significance of using wood from downed trees. The creation of a wing seems to be feeling really good right now. A wing conjures imagery of flight, freedom, air, height, escape and beauty. Nery had an incredible suggestion, but one which I'm on the fence about. He imagined that the far tips of the feathers on this wing could be machetes. Ouch. Pain was my first feeling when he said that. Then sadness. Then violence. And as brilliantly rich as that idea is, I think that i have to sit on it for a while, because the piece needs to be one of recognition, overwhelm and, ultimately, hope. Or, as a wing and flight also resonates for me -- upliftedness. The mental weight of those blunt instruments may challenge that feeling.
We discussed whether to use 800,000 of the same nail type or vary the sizes so as to represent men, women and children -- people of different ages, sizes. I need to think of that visually and ask: which would be more powerful? i'll take an ongoing poll of that question.
He also suggested, as chris has also, making it a 2-sided structure, with nails on both sides of the wing. I love that idea logistically and spacially, but, there's this part of me that wants to/needs to see all 800,000 nails from one singular vantage point -- in order to really grasp the enormity of what can happen in a country in 100 days. Because, even to this day, I cannot visualize it. And I hope this piece helps people be able to visualize it in some way rather than a sentence on a page.
Another stroke of intuitive thinking on Nery's part occurred when he suggested creating the wing structure first, then nailing it. I had to think about that for a moment. And though I wish I could do it the other way (pound nails on scrap pieces first, then assemble), he's absolutely right. The structure, the shape, must be created first. It will be easier to do so, with no nails protruding from one side. Then, if it's able to be broken down in 8' sections, i can work on smaller pieces during the 100 day nailing process.
Note, if you are someone out there still reading this, I appreciate it!!! My inspirations for today:
The Lion King: Pride Rock On Broadway by Julie Taymor
--this is one of our favorite household art books. I think of it often while making entries in this blog because it's such a wonderful record of the process of Julie Taymor and her stable of amazing artists who came to create such an inspiring piece of work.
Brett & Stev-O
--two former co-workers who i shared many a film experience with. There was never anything that these 2 guys couldn't figure out how to build. And they approached things with confidence, creative urgency and curiosity. And I never saw them begin to build something that they didn't complete. They taught me so much. I have a feeling that i'll be picking up the phone to ask them for advice at some point.
Mary Oliver
--once referred to as "One of the 7 Wonders of Massachusetts", her poetry inspires me more deeply than i ever imagined.
Over and over, i read or listen to her thoughts and, i am reminded of how tiny each of us are and how infinitely huge. Thanks to Chris and Liz for introducing me to her work years ago.
Cooper & Eleanor
--i know my kids love me when they are excited about climbing up somebody's filthy demolition dumpster to find a good piece of wood for me. We now have a garage filling up with beautiful boards, saved from the landfill. When I drag them into a neat pile, I think of the corpse of a tree. The corpse of a body...and i handle them with great care. For in this art, they will live again.
Last week, Nery and I discussed symbols and scale of this piece. This came after a lengthy discussion on how our government seems to be moving brilliantly toward a troublesome trend of privatization of everything: medical care, the military, prisons and ultimately, public schools. So upsetting. This country enrages me and I love it passionately, because i can sit in a coffee shop with a friend and talk freely about how enraged i am, without the threat of being arrested or worse.
I told him that, after the calculations of my first nail test, with 150 nails on a 4" x 5' board -- the piece would be over a MILE LONG...in order to accomodate 800,000 nails/spirits.
One mile long. So, the nails will be smaller and much much much more close to one another. Today, I did a test of dots on one square foot space of plywood. with the dots averaging about 1/2" spacing, I fit over 780 dots. That could work. And, the calculation now would scale out to be an art piece of about 1,000 square feet. It could be 10'h x 100' w or 20'h x 50'w. That's a bit more manageable, especially if i design them in connecting 8' sections. This would be for assembly and shipping sake.
Regarding symbols, an earlier blog described how Nery and I talked of the significance of using wood from downed trees. The creation of a wing seems to be feeling really good right now. A wing conjures imagery of flight, freedom, air, height, escape and beauty. Nery had an incredible suggestion, but one which I'm on the fence about. He imagined that the far tips of the feathers on this wing could be machetes. Ouch. Pain was my first feeling when he said that. Then sadness. Then violence. And as brilliantly rich as that idea is, I think that i have to sit on it for a while, because the piece needs to be one of recognition, overwhelm and, ultimately, hope. Or, as a wing and flight also resonates for me -- upliftedness. The mental weight of those blunt instruments may challenge that feeling.
We discussed whether to use 800,000 of the same nail type or vary the sizes so as to represent men, women and children -- people of different ages, sizes. I need to think of that visually and ask: which would be more powerful? i'll take an ongoing poll of that question.
He also suggested, as chris has also, making it a 2-sided structure, with nails on both sides of the wing. I love that idea logistically and spacially, but, there's this part of me that wants to/needs to see all 800,000 nails from one singular vantage point -- in order to really grasp the enormity of what can happen in a country in 100 days. Because, even to this day, I cannot visualize it. And I hope this piece helps people be able to visualize it in some way rather than a sentence on a page.
Another stroke of intuitive thinking on Nery's part occurred when he suggested creating the wing structure first, then nailing it. I had to think about that for a moment. And though I wish I could do it the other way (pound nails on scrap pieces first, then assemble), he's absolutely right. The structure, the shape, must be created first. It will be easier to do so, with no nails protruding from one side. Then, if it's able to be broken down in 8' sections, i can work on smaller pieces during the 100 day nailing process.
Note, if you are someone out there still reading this, I appreciate it!!! My inspirations for today:
The Lion King: Pride Rock On Broadway by Julie Taymor
--this is one of our favorite household art books. I think of it often while making entries in this blog because it's such a wonderful record of the process of Julie Taymor and her stable of amazing artists who came to create such an inspiring piece of work.
Brett & Stev-O
--two former co-workers who i shared many a film experience with. There was never anything that these 2 guys couldn't figure out how to build. And they approached things with confidence, creative urgency and curiosity. And I never saw them begin to build something that they didn't complete. They taught me so much. I have a feeling that i'll be picking up the phone to ask them for advice at some point.
Mary Oliver
--once referred to as "One of the 7 Wonders of Massachusetts", her poetry inspires me more deeply than i ever imagined.
Over and over, i read or listen to her thoughts and, i am reminded of how tiny each of us are and how infinitely huge. Thanks to Chris and Liz for introducing me to her work years ago.
Cooper & Eleanor
--i know my kids love me when they are excited about climbing up somebody's filthy demolition dumpster to find a good piece of wood for me. We now have a garage filling up with beautiful boards, saved from the landfill. When I drag them into a neat pile, I think of the corpse of a tree. The corpse of a body...and i handle them with great care. For in this art, they will live again.
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