Bringing children into my world really brought home the importance of the everyday process of things. Before Cooper and Eleanor, very few aspects of my life were not result-oriented. It feels sad to admit this. Type this. And because of that gift of children, and all the education that's gone on while raising them, I am now in the throws of a simple project that is revealing one fantastic gift after another during the process of it's creation.
Although there were many more, I'll mention 3 examples of connection just this past week that moved this art piece forward and revealed small epiphanies of clarification for me:
1.) A walk with Ericka (good for the mind).
2.) A listening exercise with Rebecca (good for the spirit).
3.) A morning of loading wood with a stranger, Judy (good for the body).
Actually, each of these served all 3 aspects of the mind-spirit-body connection, but, I thought I'd give each one a specific nod.
First, dear friend Ericka and I talked and walked and spoke of many things. Sentences sometimes didn't quite get completed as we were so quickly on to the next thought. Chile, Rwanda, music, art, memorials of the dead, the disappeared, artists who suffer and create anyway, how to get art made and where to find a little money to help make it happen. On and on, I hardly remember where our feet stepped. But Ericka remembered a paper that a friend of hers wrote on historical memory of traumatic events and how we as individuals or as a people process this or don't, thus living in a recovering state of awareness or historical amnesia.
Well, I read the paper -- a fascinating work stuffed with detailed richness -- and it sealed the necessity of this artwork for me. The importance of 800,000 nails is so clear after reading this. Community art installations, if conceived sensitively, can help individuals feel connected to some whole. some aspect of "the whole." As I read this paper entitled "Amnesia/Countermemory" I also said to myself, "this is the type of research i want to be doing! This is the type of paper i would love to compose and write! So, graduate school will serve me well at this time.
Secondly, we hosted a parenting seminar in our home just last night for the parents of the children currently enrolled in our co-op preschool. Learning the fine skill of listening to our children was really one of the primary focuses of the night. How can we practice listening to them with complete empathy as they experience all the feelings that come up for them in these forming years? At one point, we paired off and held 3 minute listening exercises with a partner.
Rebecca, as lovely as her daughter Anya, sat across from me. For 3 minutes, she listened to me and then we switched roles for 3 more minutes. I recommend this practice highly for partners, friends, parents. I started talking about my project. About how hard it is to ask for help. How I don't wish to take advantage of anyone. Inconvenience anyone. Bother anyone. Yet, when I don't ask for help, I fall back into a vacuum of loneliness and overwhelm and eventually, falter. I worry that, if other people help, somehow, i won't thank them properly enough.
And with Rebecca's keen listening, I felt suddenly like Harry Potter in Book 5 when Luna Lovegood listens to him and helps him realize that he cannot possibly take on "The Dark Lord" alone. He needs his friends. Well, I need my friends and the help of so many if this is going to get pulled off. I cannot and will not work alone.
Actually, if i deny others the chance to formulate this art, I am denying them the opportunity to participate in an act of historical healing and spirit lifting.
Finally, I met someone wonderful today quite unexpectedly. in a moment where i had not asked for help (the lesson hadn't sunk in yet), help was given to me in more ways than one. My pals Beth and Curtis are finishing up a remodel on their house and set aside beautiful wood for me. I needed to do some physical work before settling down at the desk and so, without asking for help, I went over to load up my truck. But Curtis's mom, Judy was there with Beth. Instead of going off with Beth, she said that she'd stick around and help me load the wood into my truck. Now she's 74 and slight but, wow, what a workhorse! Not only was she an angel to do this, but as she inquired about what i was to do with the wood, i learned that she has traveled extensively around the world, especially in Africa. She's been almost everywhere there except Rwanda and Burundi.
So, as we huffed and puffed and she loaded my arms with planks, I got to talk to someone who has seen Africa with her own eyes. My goodness, how the gods and goddesses reveal themselves to me right now.
As Pilar said tonight over a much needed glass of wine with her and her husband David: "I see you as a sponge right now. It is so beautiful." And I do feel like a sponge, wanting to absorb every idea that comes up around this art.
So thank you Ericka, Helene, Rebecca, Judy, Pilar, Sharla, Margie, Jennifer, David, John S, Signe, Meghan, Chris, Karen A., Lisa, Jenn, Curtis, Beth and anyone else who asked me how this is going. This week has been a real inspiration.
In the words of Conor Oberst, "my eyes are wet with clarity."
Next week...how to find the money to pay for the nails.
